finding my singing voice

I have several vivid memories from my teenage years of striving for artistic perfection. One such incident came as I was preparing for an art competition. I was painting a self-portrait, and it wasn’t going well. I could see in my mind (and in the mirror) what I wanted to create, but I couldn’t get the paints to do my bidding. The result was an awkward depiction of (as one well-meaning viewer described it) “the way you’ll look when you’re thirty.” I didn’t win the competition, and I was never happy with the portrait. In fact, I was so frustrated by the experience that I decided to give up painting and focus on singing instead. The voice only lasts so long before aging takes effect, I reasoned. Eventually, I would need to stop singing, and I could return to painting then.

Of course, my attempts at vocal perfection were no easier. For years I felt like each practice session was a fight pitting my artistic ideals against the limitations of my voice. I almost gave up when vocal weakness set in, but my stubborn love for singing eventually led me to the right teacher who helped me slowly rediscover my voice.

Whenever I see an article on perfectionism, I scan it for insight into myself and my singing journey. A recent article at www.MillerMcCune.com (an online magazine that “harnesses current academic research with real-time reporting to address pressing social concerns”) caught my attention with this title: The Two Faces of Perfectionism. The article suggests that perfectionism can be a positive or negative force depending on a variety of factors.

[T]hough we think of it as a singular concept, perfectionism in fact has many facets. … [P]erfectionistic traits can be either adaptive or maladaptive. It depends upon whether they are forward- or backward-looking, emotionally positive or negative, and motivated from an inner urge or an outside push.

The article defines two types of perfectionism. 

Adaptive perfectionism: “striving for excellence, organizational skills, tendency to plan ahead, and holding others to high standards”

Maladaptive perfectionism: “concern over mistakes, need for approval, tendency to ruminate over past performances, and perceived parental pressure”

Psychologist Robert W. Hill of Appalachian State University has studied perfectionism for years. He reports:

[A]daptive perfectionism was associated with indicators of positive psychological outcomes. The more an individual was prone to striving for excellence, planning ahead, being organized, they typically had a high level of psychological well-being, life satisfaction and positive mood. The inverse was true for maladaptive perfectionism.

As a singer and voice teacher, I have found that singers often tend toward perfectionism. As they learn to constantly monitor the sounds they produce, many singers develop an internal voice that provides commentary to which he or she responds, making miniscule adjustments throughout a performance. “That pitch was flat. Increase your energy!” “Your resonance is falling back. Keep the tone bright.”

When singers don’t like what they hear, their internal feedback can become debilitatingly negative. “You’re not gonna make the high note.” “You sound terrible.” “You’re making a fool of yourself.”

Like other perfectionists, singers need to learn to use their perfectionism for positive motivation without letting it become a crippling force.